This article is written in partnership with Diem and inspired by this viral post.

When I was 14, I read a book about a rich teenager who was fixated on how her vulva looked and wanted to get surgery to change it. I’d had my period for years at this point, but I realized I had no idea what my vulva looked like. And I still didn’t want to know. I avoided using tampons until my senior year of high school because I was afraid to touch my own vagina. It completely freaked me out. This story is a common one- women are freaked out by this part of their body; they don’t understand it, they don’t associate with it. Why are we so self-conscious about how we look down there? Let’s talk about it. 

First, a quick lesson in anatomy that we didn’t get in school: when we talk about vaginas, a lot of the time we’re actually talking about the vulva. The vulva is the external part of your genitals that includes your labia, clitoris, vaginal opening, and urethra. The vagina is the internal part that connects to the uterus. See the diagram below! 

So why are we missing this very basic information about our own anatomy? I blame poor sex education in school. More than half of the states in the US do not require medically accurate sex education, and even more teach abstinence-only sex-ed. While the content of abstinence-only curriculums vary state to state, they generally don’t include information on birth control, condoms, or how to prevent STIs and pregnancy. They’re definitely not teaching us that the clitoris is our pleasure center, or that your vagina is actually called a vulva.

Project 2025 suggests redefining sex-ed as “pornography” and wants to replace comprehensive sex education with abstinence-only education in schools. BTW, studies have shown abstinence-only education does not work to prevent teens from having sex. Learning about your anatomy is critical, both to understand yourself and to be equipped with the knowledge to make the best health decisions. For example, if your mom didn’t tell you to pee after sex, you might be shocked when you get your first UTI. 

Less than 10 years ago, the New York Times published an article exposing the massively growing number of teenage girls who were seeking cosmetic surgery for their labia. Also known as Labiaplasty, this surgical procedure alters the size or shape of the labia. The article shared that the influx of girls seeking labiaplasty was so high that, “the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists issued guidance from its Committee on Adolescent Health Care to doctors last week, urging them to teach and to reassure patients, suggest alternatives to surgery that may alleviate discomfort, and screen them for a psychiatric disorder that causes obsession about perceived physical defects.”

Porn has also contributed to a very skewed view of women’s bodies. According to a study from 2023, “more people visit porn sites each month than TikTok, OpenAI, Zoom, Netflix or Amazon.” That’s wild. With so many people watching porn, it’s not surprising that it affects how both men and women perceive female bodies. 

A study published in the journal Body Image found that women who viewed porn reported lower body satisfaction and were more likely to receive criticism from their partners regarding their bodies. With airbrushed perfection, surgically enhanced features, and a narrow depiction of what is considered “desirable,” mainstream porn sets an unattainable standard for real women, and vulvas. If you still want to watch porn, we get it. Instead of browsing Pornhub’s explore page, we suggest checking out Bellesa to find content made for women. 

Something else we should have learned in high school sex-ed is that all vulvas look different, and there’s no “normal” shape. We suggest checking out the Labia Library, a collection of different vulva. If you don’t find one that looks like yours, it’s ok! No two vulvas look the same. If you have questions or health concerns about your vulva, we always suggest consulting your doctor.