Most of us have been there – one leg on the toilet seat, holding a haphazardly angled mirror in a desperate attempt to see what is going on down there. There are so many questions: What is that hole? Which flap is that? Should I shave this part? Am I normal!? 

The first time I found myself squinting in that mirror, I was just starting to go through puberty. I gave myself a good look and immediately panicked. “That does NOT look right,” I thought while looking at my labia. My vulva was asymmetrical- one labia was significantly larger than the other. Little did I know, this was very normal and much like breasts, eyebrows, and other paired body parts, they are not twins! 

Let’s go back a few steps for a mini anatomy lesson! The vulva in the outside part of anatomy for people assigned female at birth. It encompasses the mons pubis, the urethra, the glans (or head) of the clitoris, the vaginal openings, and most importantly for this story, the labia majora and minora. Labia means lips and that’s basically what they look like. The labia majora are towards the outside and are the larger most visible lips and when you pull them back you see the labia minora more towards the inside. Both are highly important and protect the vaginal opening and urethra from dryness, bacteria, and irritation. (Cough cough, UTIs). 

Back to my adolescent panic, my one labia minora was significantly bigger than another. Thought rushed into my head. I thought I was gross, weird, and that no one would ever want to have sex with me. I kept this information to myself, fearing what other people would think. I already was planning in my head my next steps to get this situation taken care of. I was on birth control starting at a young age, so I regularly went to the gynecologist with my mom. I told my mom my plan and brought it up to my gynecologist. 

“I want to cut them off, what do I do next?” My mom and the gynecologist agreed that they were absolutely not on board for my desired labiaplasty. The gynecologist explained how painful it is and how long recovery can be. She also emphasized that there is nothing wrong with my vulva. I wasn’t convinced just yet, but agreed to hold off because I was only 15 years old and didn’t want to be bedridden for several weeks. Fast forward xx years, and I never got the surgery. This was definitely the right decision for me. However, vulvoplasty for some is really important and life changing, especially for trans people. I just decided it wasn’t for me. 

As the years went on, my asymmetrically sized labia continued to be my enemy, but I didn’t go back to the idea of surgery. The summer before high school, I became intimate with someone for the first time, and I was terrified of what he would think. But he said nothing, he didn’t act weird, look at me strangely, or ask any questions. He just seemed happy to be getting pleasure, and I was too. In college I became intimate with more people and finally asked one partner if it was off-putting. He didn’t care at all. I was shocked that the center of my sexuality and worries for so long didn’t seem to be a bother for those who were getting up close and personal with my lopsided labia. 

Later in college, my relationship with my body, not just with my labia, changed. I fell into a deep mental health struggle and developed an eating disorder that overtook my life. I had to build my body image back from head to toe, including my relationship with my genitals. My eating disorder recovery was a revolution for me. I found acceptance and self-love across my entire body. At this time I also unpacked my bisexuality, found a healthy and loving long term relationship, and became dedicated to sex education and body image advocacy. I began to share my experiences and worries about my body with others and felt empowered by it. And I realized that my story was one of so, so many. 

The vulva is a powerful and diverse part of the body. It is responsible for creating a lot of pleasure and it comes with different shapes, sizes, colors, textures, hair varieties, and so much diversity. I had so much shame about this part of my body for so long because no one taught me its power and how they come with varying characteristics. As cliché as it sounds, education is power, and it is powerful to know about your body. This is why sex education is essential for all young people, regardless of the body parts they have.