For something that half the population is capable of experiencing, the female orgasm is wildly under-discussed, under-researched, and (for a lot of people) under-experienced. We think that needs to be changed. 

Whether you've had tons of orgasms, aren't sure if you've ever had one, or just want to know more about what's actually happening in your body, we’re ready to talk about it.

So, what is an orgasm?

An orgasm is an intense release of sexual tension that builds during arousal. Physiologically, it involves rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles, a rush of blood flow to the genitals, and a flood of feel-good neurochemicals — including dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins — through the brain and body.

For people with vulvas, orgasms typically involve contractions of the vagina, uterus, and pelvic floor. They can last anywhere from a few seconds to nearly a minute, and they can vary wildly in intensity. Some feel like a full-body wave. Others are quieter and more localized. Both are completely normal.

Here's something worth knowing: the clitoris is the primary pleasure center for most people with vulvas. What you can see externally is just the tip — the full clitoral structure extends internally and is much larger than most of us were taught. This matters because penetration alone doesn't stimulate most of the clitoris, which is a big reason why so many people don't orgasm from penetrative sex.

We need to be talking about the orgasm gap

If you've ever felt like orgasming is harder for you than it seems to be for your male partner, you're not imagining it.

Research consistently shows a significant gap in orgasm frequency between men and women. Studies find that heterosexual men orgasm during partnered sex about 95% of the time, while heterosexual women orgasm only about 65% of the time. That gap narrows significantly for lesbian women — which tells us this isn't a biology issue. It's an education and attention issue.

The orgasm gap exists largely because sex has historically been defined around penetration, which is not the most reliable path to orgasm for most vulva-owners. Clitoral stimulation — whether through hands, mouth, vibration, or positioning — is the most common route to orgasm, and it's often the piece that gets left out.

Knowing this is useful. It gives you language to ask for what you actually need.

How do you know if you're orgasming?

This is one of the most common questions we get, and it's a completely valid one, especially if no one ever taught you what to look (or feel) for.

Signs you may be orgasming or approaching orgasm:

• A building sensation of tension or pressure in your pelvis or genitals that suddenly releases
• Rhythmic, involuntary muscle contractions in your vagina or pelvic floor (these might feel like pulsing or throbbing)
• Increased heart rate and breathing
• Skin flushing or feeling warm
• Heightened sensitivity — sometimes to the point where touch feels like too much right after
• A feeling of warmth, relaxation, or emotional release afterward

One thing worth noting: orgasms don't always feel like what movies make them look like. They're not always loud or dramatic. Some are subtle. Some sneak up on you. And some people experience them emotionally as much as physically, even tearing up is normal.

If you're not sure whether you've had one, exploring on your own terms (hello, masturbation) is genuinely one of the best ways to learn your body without any pressure.

What is squirting?

Squirting (also called female ejaculation) is the release of fluid from the urethra during sexual arousal or orgasm. It's real, it's documented, and it's more common than people think, though research estimates vary widely on exactly how many people experience it.

What is the fluid from squirting? Studies show it's a combination of fluid from the Skene's glands (sometimes called the female prostate) and diluted urine. 

Is squirting the same as orgasming? Not necessarily. Some people squirt during orgasm, some squirt without orgasming, and some orgasm without ever squirting. They're related but separate experiences.

Can everyone squirt? Possibly — but not everyone does, and that's fine. The Skene's glands vary in size from person to person, which may explain why some people squirt easily and others never do. It's not a marker of how good sex is or how aroused you are.

Can you make yourself squirt? Stimulation of the front wall of the vagina (the area associated with the G-spot) combined with clitoral stimulation is most commonly associated with squirting. But chasing it as a goal can add pressure that actually makes it less likely. Instead, focus on what feels good!

A few things that might help you orgasm…

Most people with vulvas need more than penetration to orgasm. Here's what research and real talk both support:

• Clitoral stimulation is key. Whether during partnered sex or solo, direct clitoral stimulation is the most reliable path to orgasm for most people.
• Arousal takes time. Studies show it takes the average person with a vulva around 20 minutes of stimulation to reach orgasm. 
• Stress and distraction are orgasm's biggest enemies. Being present, and not in your head, makes a real difference.
• Communication is everything. Knowing what you like and being able to say it (or show it) to a partner is the single biggest factor in the pleasure gap closing.
• Vibrators work. This is not a controversial opinion. External vibrators are one of the most effective tools for clitoral stimulation and orgasm, and there's zero shame in using one.