Let’s face it, dry spells happen to the best of us. Whether you’re recovering from a breakup, dealing with stress, or just haven’t been “in the mood” lately, it can feel frustrating to reconnect with your sexual self. But here’s the good news: you’re not alone, and this is super common. Life is long, and libidos ebb and flow. The pressure to compare yourself to friends (or even to your past self!) can feel overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that everybody is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution.

So, what causes dry spells? How can you reignite your sexual desire? Let’s dive into the why and, more importantly, the how of getting your groove back.

Why Dry Spells Happen

Dry spells are periods of reduced or no sexual activity, and they can happen for a million different reasons—most of which are completely normal. Here are some common culprits:

1. Stress and Mental Health

Stress from work, finances, or relationships can zap your energy and make it hard to get in the mood. Mental health challenges like anxiety or depression can also significantly reduce libido. Some medications, like antidepressants, have side effects that lower sexual desire, which can be an added layer of frustration.

2. Hormonal Changes

If you have a uterus, your menstrual cycle can naturally impact libido—some people feel more desire around ovulation, while others feel less throughout the month. Postpartum hormonal shifts, breastfeeding, menopause, and hormonal birth control can all influence sexual desire, too.

3. Physical Health

Lack of sleep, fatigue, or chronic pain can make sex feel less appealing. If your body isn’t feeling its best, your libido may take a backseat.

4. Relationship Factors

Emotional disconnect, unresolved conflicts, or even boredom in a long-term relationship can impact intimacy. Maintaining excitement and novelty can be challenging, especially if you’re navigating routine or other life stressors together.

5. Life Transitions

Big changes like moving, a new job, or even grief can disrupt your routines, including your sex life. These shifts often take a toll on energy levels, self-confidence, and emotional availability.

How to Get Your Groove Back
Now that we understand why dry spells happen, let’s talk solutions. Here are some practical, no-pressure tips to help you reconnect with yourself or your partner:

1. Explore What You Like Through Masturbation

When you masturbate, you’re in control. You know what feels good, what turns you on, and what leads to orgasm—if that’s your goal. Solo pleasure is a great way to build confidence and rediscover what works for you, which can also improve partnered sex.

2. Take the Pressure Off Intercourse

Intercourse isn’t the be-all, end-all of sex. Intimacy and pleasure come in many forms, like mutual masturbation, oral sex, or even sensual massages. Focus on pleasure and connection rather than chasing a specific outcome.

3. Bring in the Toys (and Lube!)

Sex toys can be a fun way to explore what feels good and involve your partner in your pleasure. Don’t forget about lube! It can reduce friction, enhance sensation, and make everything smoother and more enjoyable. If you’ve never tried lube, start with a high-quality option like Uberlube—it’s a game-changer.

4. Move Your Body

Exercise can increase blood flow, boost mood, and release feel-good endorphins—all of which can help restore your sex drive. Even something as simple as a 20-minute walk can make a difference.

5. Focus on Emotional Connection

Sometimes libido is tied to how emotionally connected you feel to your partner. Spend quality time together—cook, cuddle, or just laugh. The closer you feel, the more likely you are to want to be intimate.

6. Set the Mood

Create a sensual environment by dimming the lights, playing music, or lighting candles. Clean your space, grab your favorite sheets, and set the stage for relaxation and connection.

7. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

If you have a partner, talk openly about how you’re feeling. Honest communication about libido changes can reduce misunderstandings and create a shared space for solutions.

Remember: you’re not alone. Dry spells don’t mean there’s something wrong with you, everyone experiences them at one point or another. Life is complicated, and our bodies and minds are affected by so many factors. By taking the pressure off yourself, exploring your desires, and making small, intentional efforts, you can start to reconnect with your sexual self.

Want More Tips and Resources? For more advice on intimacy, relationships, and sex, check out the latest episodes of Sex Ed with DB. And if you’re navigating a dry spell, remember: it’s not permanent, and you’ve got this. Danielle Bezalel, MPH, aka DB (she/her), is the Creator, Executive Producer, and Host of Sex Ed with DB: your go-to podcast for smart, science-backed sex education—delivering trusted insights from top experts on sex, sexuality, and pleasure. Empowering, inclusive, and grounded in real science, it’s the sex-ed you’ve always wanted.