While the iconic Sex and the City may have provided viewers with guidance on everything from awkward run-ins with your ex to stolen baby names, one thing it left us in the dark about was sex toys. Namely, how to introduce them into your relationship. If you’ve been wanting to bridge the gap between the joys of your solo-time and your time with your partner, here are our tips for approaching the subject. 

Having the talk

So, you've got a new boyfriend and a trusty vibrator that's been your go-to for those solo sessions—now what? Introducing your boyfriend to your vibrator might seem a bit daunting, but it can also be a fun and empowering step in your journey together. A key component to successfully introducing sex toys into the bedroom is planting the seed. Try bringing up the subject when you aren’t having, or about to have sex. If you whip out a vibrator in the heat-of-the-moment, your partner may not be able to fully communicate, or process their feelings on the subject. Instead, bring it up when you’re both feeling relaxed. BTW- talking about sex toys doesn’t need to be the first time you and your partner communicate about sex – be sure to establish an ongoing dialogue, in and out of the bedroom. 

Addressing obstacles

Hop on any sex-themed Reddit page and you’ll find plenty of anxieties and horror stories detailing the insecurities that sex toys arouse in relationships. While there have been reports of male partners feeling insecure or inadequate when faced with vibrators, this is a misconception. One survey found that roughly 70% of men disagreed with the statement that women’s partners are intimidated by vibrators. If your partner is expressing these concerns, be sure to clearly communicate the purpose of introducing a sex toy – a vibrator is an extra set of hands, not a competitor; anal beads are just extra pleasure, not a hole in your current sex life. And your partner should want to understand what makes YOU feel pleasure in the bedroom!

Finding the best fit

Once you’ve established that you and your partner are open to the possibilities of using toys together, discuss together what your individual boundaries are when it comes to toys. Who wants to be using the toy? Are you interested in penetration? Vibration? Anal? Vaginal? All of these are questions to ask to understand what may be a good personal fit. Don’t shy away from asking yourself (and your partner) why you’re interested in toys in the first place.

Now comes the fun part. If you’re feeling brave, go ahead and plan a field trip to a local adult store with your partner. If you’re not quite ready to make like Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron, try looking online together and choosing what’s most exciting for you. Be sure to keep in mind that a toy doesn’t have to be a vibrator or dildo – it can also be a ring, anal beads, anal plugs, nipple clamps, and much more. 

Remember, it’s completely ok – and normal – to not enjoy something on the first try, or to decide that it just isn’t for you. Communication is KEY throughout the process. This should be fun for everyone!